Thursday, November 05, 2009

Too upset to sleep.

I can't believe how upset I am. I don't remember feeling this much sadness in a long time. Maybe this is the result of rapid change. Maybe it's upset that's long overdue. Maybe it's upset that I've repressed over the years, and it's finally let out of the cage. Sometimes it feels so bad I just want to send myself over the balcony and plunge into bliss.

And the shooting pain running through my heart isn't helping either. Feels like with every 5 breaths, there's a chance for a seizure.

Somebody just take me away, please. I'm too sensitive for my own good.

Why am I so hard to get along with? Why??? Have I changed at all? I just can't seem to please the people I love. Why is that? Why is life so cruel?

I think I'm losing it. I should try to sleep.

When I get upset, I get withdrawn, like the agitated mimosa. Why is that? Why can't I just talk about it and let the upset slide? Why do I hold so much pain in me? Who designed me like this?

Now I feel like a little kid. I guess this part of me really never grew up. Along with many other parts of me, just like Sandy said.

Are there parts of me that are mature, at all? Suddenly it feels like I'm learning to live all over again.

Well I did press the reset button, didn't I.

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The Anchorman